Don’t criticise what you don’t understand
Many years ago I came across the idea that, the further away from something you are, the simpler it appears, and that idea has stuck with me. What it was referring to was the tendency for complex matters to seem quite simple and straightforward from a distance. If you don’t have a full grasp of a situation, it is very easy indeed to oversimplify and thereby rely on a distorted picture that can be very unhelpful in a number of ways (not least in creating unnecessary tension and ill-feeling).
Consider, for example, the case of domestic violence. So often I have heard people say words to the effect of: ‘If he is hitting her, why does she stay there? Why doesn’t she leave him?’. Ah, if only life were that simple! Such situations are usually hugely complex, with all sorts of dilemmas and difficult decisions to make. Simplistic attitudes and a judgemental approach to something they don’t understand will often mean that people are being unsupportive of others precisely at a time when most support is needed.
This can lead to a vicious circle in which people who feel bitter, disappointed, angry and/or hurt by a lack of support and what they, quite understandably, see as a negative and unsympathetic attitude, they may then struggle to be supportive of others (note that I say ‘may’ – it is by no means certain that they will not be supportive, but it can and does happen). They are certainly likely to find it more difficult to be positive and supportive of others in such circumstances.
Another example would be a social media discussion I saw recently about efforts to help a homeless man. ‘Why doesn’t he just get a job?’, said one less than compassionate contributor, clearly unaware of (or choosing to ignore) the fact that getting a job without an address is nigh on impossible and that it is highly likely that the reason he became homeless in the first place (being abused, for example) may well be quite an obstacle to getting, and holding down, a job. And, of course, it ignores the fact that there are far more people looking for jobs than there are vacancies. Criticising what you don’t understand is therefore not only unjustified, unwise and unhelpful, it can also be quite harmful – part of the problem, rather than part of the solution.
A further example would be when someone lets you down in some way and you start to condemn them for doing so without first finding out their side of the story. Indeed, it a common source of embarrassment is for Person A to criticise Person B, only to find out later that Person B had very good reason for letting Person A down (they were victims of a crime, for example, or were taken seriously ill, or other such fully understandable reason for not being able to fulfil a commitment they made).
It is therefore very important that we resist the temptation to criticise what we do not understand, to make judgements about people and/or their actions without understanding their story, without having the full picture. So, if we don’t understand someone’s actions, we should be ‘walking a mile in their moccasins’, rather than jumping to conclusions that can so easily be not only unfair, but also positively harmful (and, as we have seen, also potentially embarrassing and a possible blot on our own character or reputation).
Sadly, this tendency for people to criticise what they do not understand is a very common phenomenon and one that is constantly reinforced by some sectors of the mass media. Not rushing to judgement is a skill and value statement that we would do well to nurture and support, if not actually insist on.